EMBRACING UNCERTAINTY
A song to fill your ears whilst reading - This Must Be The Place - Talking Heads
“There is a tremendous power and freedom in not knowing. When standing in the place of uncertainty, any direction is yours to take.”
I recently turned 29 and have been on a constant roller coaster of emotions and endured a cocktail of different thoughts. So as I sit here writing, I’m not really certain what this piece is about or what this article will end up being but I know that these observations definitely mirror exactly how I feel about my life’s direction, unsure.
I waved a reluctant hand to my dreams a while back and put them on the back burner, feeling as though a strange force continued to lead me off the path to pursue my passions. Did you leave university with high spirits ready to conquer the world? Me too. Do you have a project you want to achieve that you keep postponing? Me too.
I studied Creative Writing but I am stuck working in a job that maybe I’m good at but have no real passion for. As I sit at my desk, my mind constantly wanders and disconnects from my current reality to envisioning myself in an abandoned cottage writing away (like Colin Firth in Love Actually). I always felt as though I needed something more fulfilling, without this sounding too much like a selfish endeavor. It wasn't this way all the time. I was motivated and ready to be proactive after I graduated. I was going to continue my passion for writing and try my utmost to find a job in relation to what I loved to do. I searched earnestly for positions that fit into my desired field. After constant unsuccessful attempts, I reached a stage where my hope was slowly deteriorating. Already anxious about the uncertainties surrounding whether or not people would like my work, these rejections left me defeated. Now, my productive days were turning into laying in bed watching marathons of Gilmore Girls and Friends.
We are bred in a society that constantly emphasizes how important it is to have your whole future planned. We sit in classrooms for 13 years of our lives, learning varied structured subjects and are continuously reminded to decide what we want to do with the rest of our lives. There is so much pressure put on us throughout school and thereafter. This is embedded in us from a young age, which can explain the anxieties we experience when we feel as though our lives are somewhat unstable.
I’ve always pondered why it was so difficult to be happy and I always question myself for thinking this way. Because maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself. We live in a constant burden of what it means to be happy. We have romanticized about success and happiness and have had very vivid scenarios in our heads about what this looks like. But getting up every morning and taking on each day is success in itself. Not many people have the privilege to be able to do this and I think sometimes we forget to have gratitude. Laying in bed on the weekends, going for walks, going to the gym, travelling, journaling, family, friends, beach days, lazy days. Whatever else you can think of, our lives are filled with these beautiful luxuries that make us happy and maybe it was that simple. This in no way however, means to stop dreaming big if you are hungry to fulfill a goal that you have aspired to achieve. But whilst you are on your own journey, just remember that you are doing okay and letting life take its course is somewhat liberating.
Maybe I fell off the track a little to where I wanted my life to go but it’s all about trusting the process. Life leads you on the right path, always. And I can vouch for that and I’m sure you can too. I have faced an abundance of amazing life experiences and learnt and gained so much. Now in the present moment, I can ‘connect the dots looking back’ when it seemed like my path was a mixture of confusion and unexpected events. And I guess sometimes, it’s all about starting somewhere and taking matters into your own hands when you’re ready. Even if it’s just a weekly or monthly hobby to begin with. I don’t know what inspired me to write this but it could have been the countless motivational Steve Jobs YouTube videos or The Alchemist that made me have an epiphany. Whatever it was, I promised myself that I would try to embrace uncertainty and most importantly ‘stay hungry and foolish’.